![]() He wasn’t preparing for another busy day. This was hardly the first night we read about him spending in prayer, but it stands out for me because his fears were realized the next day. He advanced a little and fell prostrate in prayer, saying, “My Father, * if it is possible, let this cup pass from me yet, not as I will, but as you will.” As I turned my thoughts to God, specifically to the passion I realized even God had sleepless nights pondering what was about to happen the next day. Two nights ago I was finally able to stop the whirlwind of night thoughts, to truly reject them and filled my mind with repetitive vocal prayer (the catholic version of counting sheep I like to call that part – my own addition to St. He was being kept awake and realized this couldn’t be from God because it was interfering with his day. I returned to a method I used years ago, taken from St. Two nights ago I began to make headway on the night wakings. I have had both difficulties in going to sleep and staying asleep. One of the common effects of panic is insomnia. ![]() Though there are many such moments, I will skip ahead to two nights ago. ![]() It is still but a flutter in my heart, too difficult to put to words just yet, but I understand enough to participate in that mystery. As I stared at the cross I got a glimpse of what it meant to unite your sufferings to Christ, to offer them for what ever worth they can be. The one I clung to that night was, “I’ve got lots to offer!” Suffering is not empty, it has mysterious worth. It hit me that night that our faith has provided many perfect answers. I have worked for years to find the right answer for these difficult situations. Later in the liturgy, we came to the Offertory and I had an epiphany! Since my early twenties I have hated the question, “How’s it going?” because so often it felt like I had to lie to answer it. Indeed, as I have moved forward I see the truth of those words! There is great comfort in them. As I stood wobbly kneed, fingers clenching the pew begging to be healed the little voice in my head replayed the words of the doctor, “it will take time because we cannot rush the process, that would cause further harm”. I went to church the night of my collapse. There are many blessings and amazing moments to this journey that I have to share! My Mother-in-law has moved over to her daughters now that she doesn’t need full time care during the day and I have begun the process of working with a counselor to deal with the events that replay over and over in my mind. I ended up having a panic attack just over a week ago, once the danger was past my mind forced me to deal with the situation. She has no memories of those days, but they were traumatic for many of us. A week past the surgery she had a drug interaction that nearly took her life. We had two new housemates to get to know just as my Mother-in-law came to stay for major surgery. 45 w Then he returned to his disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? Behold, the hour is at hand when the Son of Man is to be handed over to sinners. 44He left them and withdrew again and prayed a third time, saying the same thing again. * The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” 42 * v Withdrawing a second time, he prayed again, “My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!” 43Then he returned once more and found them asleep, for they could not keep their eyes open. ![]() He said to Peter, “So you could not keep watch with me for one hour? 41Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test. ![]() * Remain here and keep watch with me.” 39 u He advanced a little and fell prostrate in prayer, saying, “My Father, * if it is possible, let this cup pass from me yet, not as I will, but as you will.” 40When he returned to his disciples he found them asleep. 38 t Then he said to them, “My soul is sorrowful even to death. The Agony in the Garden.36 * q Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, * and he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” r37 s He took along Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, * and began to feel sorrow and distress. ![]()
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